Showing posts with label My Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Blog. Show all posts

Monday, March 15, 2010

Fwd: We was brung up proper!-Good old days (plus dripping)


Begin forwarded message:


AHHHH THE GOOD OLD DAYS

Add to the diet plenty of dripping!!!
(Fat collected from beef and lamb usually) Bread and dripping.. chips cooked in dripping etc etc





WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!!"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips wrapped in newspaper, no pizza shops, McDonald's , KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because........

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.


We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.


We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
no video/dvd films,

no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!


We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
Lawsuits from these accidents.


Only girls had pierced ears!


We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.


You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

And mum used to make Christmas Pudding with thrupences in it, if we had extra she would put sixpneces in


We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,


We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!


RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's
always ruled the playground at school.


The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'



We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT ALL !



And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!


You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.


And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.


PS -The big type is because our eyes are not too good at our age anymore






Thursday, February 25, 2010

Fwd: "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...


Begin forwarded message:
"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"... 
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...and be ready for China.

 

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service in China......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No?  Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... 
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' ...... and you do, don't you!

 

 

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Fwd: Quantitive Easing Explained


Begin forwarded message:

- How the Economy Works.....
 
It is the month of August on the shores of the Black Sea and it is raining.  The little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times gave her service on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro Note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so That the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and Gentlemen, is how the United States, the United Kingdom & the Australian Governments are doing business today.

  

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Fwd: Well said.


Begin forwarded message:


Subject: FW: Well said.


 








IT CAN'T BE SAID ANY BETTER THAN THIS!


T. B. Bechtel, a City councilor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a
local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of
torture of suspected terrorists.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous
applause from the audience.

'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car
battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will
save just one Australian, American or Canadian life, then I have only
three things to say,' :

'Red is positive,
Black is negative, and
Make sure his nuts are wet.'





Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Fwd: Passwords


Begin forwarded message:


During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Ireland it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the  following password: 

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin 
 
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password : he replied:

'I was told my password had to contain at least 8 characters  and include one capital''

 

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Fwd: So simple a cave man should have thought of it!]


Begin forwarded message:




The Australian Solution to Save Petrol
Rudd wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use...
The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport three million illegal immigrants!
That would be three million fewer people using our petrol.
The price of petrol would come down...

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the coast line...
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Timor Sea, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan.
Tell him if he wants to come to Australia then he must serve a tour in the military...
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it...
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country...
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident...
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves...
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo...
Problem solved...


If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends…

I just did...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Fwd: Try this test.....98%


Begin forwarded message:


This is very strange!

 

At the end of this message, you are asked a question. 
Answer it immediately. 
Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 
This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the 'test.' Now - just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.. You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised. 


Start: How much is: 15 + 6 












21 



3 + 56

 
 
 
 
 
 
 





59 







89 + 2 



































91 







12 + 53 




















65  





75 + 26 


























101 





25 + 52 










































77 







63 + 32 




























95 







I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's! nearly over.. 





Come on, one more! .... 














123 + 5 




























128 













QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL! 

























Scroll further to the bottom.... 

































A bit more... 

































You just thought about a 
red hammer , didn't you? 





If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of 
people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 



98% of the folks would answer a
red hammer while doing this exercise. 



If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see. 



Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send 
to everyone, including the person who sent it to 
you.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fwd: [Fwd: FW: An Australian Love Poem...... So romantic !!!]


Begin forwarded message:

(Who
said Australians weren't romantic?)



Of
course I love ya darlin


You're
a bloody top-notch bird


And
when I say you're gorgeous


I mean
every single word
 

So ya
bum is on the big side


I
don't mind a bit of flab


It
means that when I'm ready


There's
somethin there to grab
 

So
your belly isn't flat no more


I tell
ya, I don't care


So
long as when I cuddle ya


I can
get my arms round there
 

No
sheila who is your age


Has
nice round perky breasts


They
just gave in to gravity


But I
know ya did ya best
 

I'm
tellin' ya the truth now


I
never tell ya lies


I
think its very sexy


That
you've got dimples on ya thighs
 

I
swear on me nanna's grave now


The
moment that we met


I
thought you was as good as


I was
ever gonna get
 

No
matter what u look like


I'll
always love ya dear


Now
shut up while the footy's on


And
fetch another beer

Thursday, February 4, 2010

iPad Jokes Collection



Breaking the laws of my own Blog for this one. This isn't an email, but worth the share like an email anyhow. Taken from a various Forums, a collection of iPad Jokes.






And you can use the giant QWERTY keyboard to get your period on the #iPad!

Is #apple making an iPad for light-flow days? Just wondering...

So I can say "That chick is on her iPad" and not be called a pig? Thank you Apple.

Okay, just one more. The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.

"64 gig iPad will forever be known as the heavy flow model."

Does the Period Tracker app come free?

If you and your friends all buy one, will they sync up?

If I order this, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?

Can I get a scented iPad for when my data feels not-so-fresh?











The iPad surfs the Web AND stops the bleeding.

A friend tweeted that, "All this talk about the iPad is giving me iCramps," so I suggested iBuprofen.

Microsoft’s answer to the iPad is the “Technical Automatic Material Peripheral Onboard Notebook,” or TAMPON. Coming real soon.

Steve, I’ma let you finish, but Moses had the greatest tablet announcement of all time.

So the iPad has two data plans: Light Flow and Heavy Flow.










I will buy my Mother an iPad