Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop!
And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house.
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.
As the mother began to smile, the child added,
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Begin forwarded message:
Subject: FW: good one :-)
brilliant read for every man / woman / teenagers/
Three men were hiking through a forest...
when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
' God, please give me the strength to cross the river.
God gave him big arms and strong legs...
and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,
having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs...
and he was able to row across
in about an hour
after almost capsizing once
Seeing what happened to the first two men,
the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'
HE WAS TURNED INTO A WOMAN!!!
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream...
and walked across the bridge
Guys, if at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!
Have a wonderful Woman's Day !!!
GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH
AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!
Begin forwarded message:
Subject: FW: The kind Scotsman
The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.
One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
"You'll really love my place.
"The grass is almost a foot high"
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Subject: FW: Irish sausage
"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman,walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you askme if I was Italian?" demanded the Irishman indignantly.
"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you askme if I was German?"
Then, warming to his theme, he went on:
"Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you askme if I was Jewish?"
"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you askme if I was Mexican? Would Ya? Would Ya?"
The assistant said: "Well, no."
Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic,and pleased to strike a blow against the Irish stereotype,the Irishman steps it up a gear.
"And if I asked you for frogs' legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish justbecause I asked for Irish sausages?"
The assistant replied: "Because you're inBunnings Hardware Store you Dickhead
El reciente terremoto en China ocurrió en un área en donde habitan la mayoría de los osos panda. Felizmente, pudieron brindar protección a casi todos los panda, incluyendo a los más pequeños que, según dicen, estaban aterrorizados.(Don't ask me??)
People are rescuing pandas.
Giving them milk-