Thursday, February 25, 2010


Begin forwarded message:
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...and be ready for China.


Now, here goes...

The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service in China......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No?  Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... 
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' ...... and you do, don't you!



Sunday, February 21, 2010

Fwd: Quantitive Easing Explained

Begin forwarded message:

- How the Economy Works.....
It is the month of August on the shores of the Black Sea and it is raining.  The little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times gave her service on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro Note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so That the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and Gentlemen, is how the United States, the United Kingdom & the Australian Governments are doing business today.


Saturday, February 20, 2010

Fwd: Well said.

Begin forwarded message:

Subject: FW: Well said.



T. B. Bechtel, a City councilor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a
local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of
torture of suspected terrorists.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous
applause from the audience.

'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car
battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will
save just one Australian, American or Canadian life, then I have only
three things to say,' :

'Red is positive,
Black is negative, and
Make sure his nuts are wet.'

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Fwd: Passwords

Begin forwarded message:

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Ireland it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the  following password: 

When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password : he replied:

'I was told my password had to contain at least 8 characters  and include one capital''


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Fwd: So simple a cave man should have thought of it!]

Begin forwarded message:

The Australian Solution to Save Petrol
Rudd wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use...
The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport three million illegal immigrants!
That would be three million fewer people using our petrol.
The price of petrol would come down...

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the coast line...
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Timor Sea, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan.
Tell him if he wants to come to Australia then he must serve a tour in the military...
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it...
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country...
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident...
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves...
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo...
Problem solved...

If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends…

I just did...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Fwd: Try this test.....98%

Begin forwarded message:

This is very strange!


At the end of this message, you are asked a question. 
Answer it immediately. 
Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 
This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the 'test.' Now - just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.. You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised. 

Start: How much is: 15 + 6 


3 + 56



89 + 2 


12 + 53 


75 + 26 


25 + 52 


63 + 32 


I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's! nearly over.. 

Come on, one more! .... 

123 + 5 



Scroll further to the bottom.... 

A bit more... 

You just thought about a 
red hammer , didn't you? 

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of 
people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 

98% of the folks would answer a
red hammer while doing this exercise. 

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see. 

Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send 
to everyone, including the person who sent it to 

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fwd: [Fwd: FW: An Australian Love Poem...... So romantic !!!]

Begin forwarded message:

said Australians weren't romantic?)

course I love ya darlin

a bloody top-notch bird

when I say you're gorgeous

I mean
every single word

So ya
bum is on the big side

don't mind a bit of flab

means that when I'm ready

somethin there to grab

your belly isn't flat no more

I tell
ya, I don't care

long as when I cuddle ya

I can
get my arms round there

sheila who is your age

nice round perky breasts

just gave in to gravity

But I
know ya did ya best

tellin' ya the truth now

never tell ya lies

think its very sexy

you've got dimples on ya thighs

swear on me nanna's grave now

moment that we met

thought you was as good as

I was
ever gonna get

matter what u look like

always love ya dear

shut up while the footy's on

fetch another beer

Thursday, February 4, 2010

iPad Jokes Collection

Breaking the laws of my own Blog for this one. This isn't an email, but worth the share like an email anyhow. Taken from a various Forums, a collection of iPad Jokes.

And you can use the giant QWERTY keyboard to get your period on the #iPad!

Is #apple making an iPad for light-flow days? Just wondering...

So I can say "That chick is on her iPad" and not be called a pig? Thank you Apple.

Okay, just one more. The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.

"64 gig iPad will forever be known as the heavy flow model."

Does the Period Tracker app come free?

If you and your friends all buy one, will they sync up?

If I order this, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?

Can I get a scented iPad for when my data feels not-so-fresh?

The iPad surfs the Web AND stops the bleeding.

A friend tweeted that, "All this talk about the iPad is giving me iCramps," so I suggested iBuprofen.

Microsoft’s answer to the iPad is the “Technical Automatic Material Peripheral Onboard Notebook,” or TAMPON. Coming real soon.

Steve, I’ma let you finish, but Moses had the greatest tablet announcement of all time.

So the iPad has two data plans: Light Flow and Heavy Flow.

I will buy my Mother an iPad

Seminars that men wish women would go to

begin fwd message here:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. 

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits 

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits 

4. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the game. 

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. 

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. 

7. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking. 

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire. 

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up. 

12. Introduction to Parking. 

13. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space. 

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat. 

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter. 

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.

17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People. 

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. 

19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His. 

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To. 

21. Sex: It's For Married Couples Too. 

22. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have. 

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together. 

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. 

25. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time) 

26. Learning to Go in Public facilities. 

27. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" -Why Men Lie. 

28. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fwd: 2010 Horoscope

Begin forwarded message:

Begin forwarded message:

Subject: FW: 2010 Horoscope
Date: Wed, 3 Feb 2010 09:26:43 +1100

Given that we need some luck thought I would annoy you with this





Kind Regards


Arthur Uren






This is the real deal.. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning . . . and it only gets worse from there.

ARIES - The Aggressive

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny.. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving.. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

TAURUS - The Tramp

Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

GEMINI - The Twin

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

CANCER - The Beauty

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind.. Very romantic.. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it.. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.. 

LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances.... Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet.... Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

SCORPIO - The Addict

EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want.. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice.... Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. 
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. 
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward 

PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1 day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck 
18-22 people = 1 month of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28- 32 people = 7 months of luck
33-37 people = 1 year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life!


Thank You.