Sunday, May 1, 2011


These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." 
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr 
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill 
Lady to Winston Churchill, If I were your wife, I would give you poison. To which Churchill responded, madam, if I were your husband, I would take it! 
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great  pleasure." 
Clarence Darrow 
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."  William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway. 
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - 
Moses Hadas 
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain 
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde 
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to 
Winston Churchill 
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." -   
Winston Churchill, in response. 
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop 
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb 
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson 
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating 
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand 
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker 
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain 
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West 
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde 
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder 
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

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