- I just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for black orphans. I told him with my luck - I'd probably win one.
- Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Northam Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
- My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a wank.I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
- Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
- Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
- The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
- Today, in an opinion poll, I was asked 'If you could eliminate a race from the 2012 Olympics, which would it be?' I said 'Niggers and Asians'. Apparently most people said the 10,000 metres!!
- Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of White-out. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
- Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
- Some Japanese tourists just asked me to take a picture of them. When I said "Wave" they ran like the clappers!
Hey!! I just pass 'em along!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Posted by andjoh at 4:25 PM