Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Read more…

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)   <><>         I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'   - Eleanor Roosevelt     <><>     Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..    - Mark Twain   <><>      The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible   - George Burns <><>       Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.   - Victor Borge <><>        Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.   - Mark Twain   <><>       By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.   - Socrates   <><>        I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.   - Groucho Marx   <><>        My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.   - Jimmy Durante   <><>       I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.   - Zsa Zsa Gabor <><>     Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.   - Alex Levine   <><>        My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.   - Rodney Dangerfield <><>        Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery   - Spike Milligan   <><>        Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .   - Joe Namath   <><>        I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.   - Bob Hope   <><>        I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..   - W. C. Fields   <><>          We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.    - Will Rogers    <><>       Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you.   - Winston Churchill   <><>        Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..   - Phyllis Diller   <><>        By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.   - Billy Crystal       And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.     May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

 

 

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